Stock Market in Free Fall as Brokers Forced to Watch Shinji Cry on Stock Board

Shinji causes stock market to crash

The stock market kept tumbling down, tumbling down today as Shinji continued to cry on the scroll boards on Wall Street. Despite a historic low in oil prices per barrel, the market had been stabilizing until the Market AI became sentient, forcing all of the brokers to watch the saddest scene in anime history, over and over again.

There have been several attempts to fix this rogue self-aware AI, but unfortunately most of the brokers have been rendered completely useless, failing to fulfill their orders and muttering to themselves:

“It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
It all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down
In my heart of hearts
I know that I could never love again
I’ve lost everything
everything
everything that matters to me, matters in this world”

There appears to be no end in sight. Expect the market to continue to crash well into 2016, or until a second season of Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-Kun comes out.

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