Sakurai Abandoning Nintendo Characters in Super Smash Bros Because of the Times

Gamers are Literally Killing SakuraiGamers are Literally Killing Sakurai

Super Smash Bros. was always a tribute to Mario, Kid Icarus, Pokemon and Fire Emblem Awakening. However, lead developer Masahiro Sakurai has just dripfed that Super Smash Bros will be abandoning most of the Nintendo characters in its roster. When the famed Mashpotato Samurai was asked about abandoining Nintendo in Smash Bros, he replied:

“The Smash Ballot was a mistake. King K Rool won the Ballot, but the Donkey Kong games are absolute pleb tier trash. Dixie is by far the worst waifu I’ve ever seen and they really hurt my hand to play. Other companies like ATLUS and Type Moon are setting the bar in video games. They give me purpose and don’t hurt my hand. We need to celebrate these characters in Smash Bros, not King K Rool.”

The Nintendo NX release of Super Smash Bros will abandon all of the Nintendo characters and replace them with tons of third party characters. Super Meat Boy, Marie, Shantae, Shovel Knight and Saber are some of the few third party characters announced to replace the current roster in both Super Smash Bros for WiiU and 3DS.

“No one wants Nintendo Characters other than a few spergs on message boards. We need to appeal to a wider demographic.” said famed Smash Brothers developer Masahiro Sakurai. “Super Smash Bros. is no longer about Nintendo, but rather the third parties that are around Nintendo. We need to adapt to the current market and stop making Super Smash Bros a franchise for Nintendo Fighters”

When asked about the inevitable backlash, Sakurai told us to look at his hands and and told us that gamers are responsible for this.

“Every night when I want try to read The Great Gatsby, there’s always some disgusting gamer asking me for Ridley or King K Rool in Smash Bros despite my hand problems.” said legendary amazing developer Masahiro Sakurai. “Gamers keep abusing and beating my hands, we need them to stop.”

Gamers need to realize that they’ve been slowly killing Masahiro Sakurai and have been torturing his hands. Please tweet at Masahiro Sakurai (@sora_sakurai) and let him know that you #StandWithHands

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